|NUMMIROCK METAL FESTIVAL — Nummijärvi,
Kauhajoki — June 24-26, 2010
A Poetic Salute to Nummirock 2010
Another year at Nummijärvi,
And this time we’re prepared;
Stocked up last week with boat
Enough that we coulda shared.
With tent and booze and more in
We battled our way through the
The trip to get to HMT’s bus
Was messy and brutal and shitty.
The 5-hour ride from Helsinki
Was comforted with beer,
And before we realized we were
We were almost near.
We finally made it to the site
Without any major hitches,
And decisively we set up camp –
Lake side forever, bitches!
Kiuas began our
The singer’s vibrating jaw
Their tunes still glued into my
These guys surely perform their
Next up on the extended tent stage
Came Korpiklaani a half-hour
Though technical failures, and not their
With some Beer Beer I had a date.
Returning back to our campsite,
We loaded up on alcoholic goodies,
And ventured to the "others" side
Full of beer and clad in hoodies.
Familiar faces all around,
And some we barely knew,
But I couldn’t end the night much better
Than with a round of kung fu!
Arising still drunk Friday mornin’
This experience here was a sign:
The Nummi way to brush your teeth
Is in a stream of boxed wine.
And out from his tent came a-pukin’
With giant bear growls, Jake’s traditional
Yet despite his adverse fest reaction,
"Jaakko suosittelee" is all he can say.
The weather was decidedly warmer
Than the year before or before,
So out from the refreshing lake waters
Came naked-assed Finns galore.
For nutrition ‘tween beers I grilled
‘stead of typical drunk festival
And for corn I brought sprayable
Can’t believe it?
I swear, it was there.
First band we left camp for was
Whose name Finns never pronounce just
And while watching the band I was fixated –
Couldn’t let Marco’s split-beard outta
surely the one band
About which I had come most
And when Mikael sang vulnerably to
Me and Jope sang along so delighted.
The high stage was crappy to
And I just wanted to plunge into the
Watching the band I used to chug beers
Was intense, and made me feel proud.
SFU closed the main stage ‘round midnight,
Barnes slaughtered my ears with his
For his murderous growls he’s a
And his hairy presence was somethin’ to see.
After playing we followed them
To stalk Chris for a treasured buddy
But despite all our begging and
He just toked in his bus: what a
Our week’s most triumphant buddy
Were with drinkers who’d already passed
And unlike the pantti-holders at
These overloaded metallers, they didn’t
In attempt not to wreak too much
We returned to the lake side and
And having missed StS so much
Ossi eats the midnight sun in
Our camp buddies seem so amused by
That they heiled more than I’d ever
And when asked why, they’re likely to tell
Koska Saatana Sanoo Niin.
While they masqued these attempts as just
Or indicating a degree of how
Our Jesus-tape found use as a
Disabling the most saluting guy.
After having survived the nightless
We still had to face the Throes of
And despite their quite dreamlike
They didn’t induce a single yawn.
The early crowd was small but
And Jani approved with ecstatic thumbs
Their otherworldly leads took us
And forced us to forget our empty
With their heart-crushing rendition of
Long-lost tears streamed down from my
The most touching and honest and beloved
Was definitely performed by these
From behind the confines of the Foster’s
And by forested sights surrounded,
epitomized the feeling;
Our hearts weighed down with the sorrow they
Early headliners Sep hit the stage around
And we watched from the sidebar
And despite low hopes for their now-old new
He attacked the songs like a beast in a
With their surprisingly energized
For complaints, they left us no
And the fans of the oldies were
With Escape to the Void and Troops of
Enjoying their Sepulnational
For their whole gig we there had to
While the drunken Kosti of
Wanted a picture of him watching the
While Ossi went to see local grinders
Whose guitarist was styled with
Though he says they played tight and were
I had better things to do than be
Overall Demosetä proved pretty much
Showing friendship is stronger than
Of all of the songs we’d checked out in
Graveborne were the only decent
was highly awaited
After their cancellation at Pellava last
And we celebrated their finally
By drinking cans of abandoned beer!
I’d been waiting to see Jens Rydén
Since the days when he fronted
But his new burly trucker look and massive
Looked much rougher than who Thyrfing
Then, beginning their set with Black
Is a band we need not introduce;
With their tunes of mayhem without
Headbanging in the beer tent they managed to
With the night and the fest almost
And a box of magazines still
Our drunkenness being at the optimal
It was time for some serious Enslain-ing!
Like Jehovah’s we spread ‘zines to each camper we
Not caring if they’d love it or hate
One of them challenged me to
And one of the dudes, he just ate it!
Continuing our magazine
Recipients offered us mixed drinks and
And one guy who found a whole bag full of
Gave it to us!
Oh glory of glories!!
The morning brought terrible
Full of hangover, and longing for
Took three days to recover from Nummi –
Though demanding, it’s a thrill I adore.
So this is our salute to Nummirock,
Broken chairs, burnt faces, and
Though we’re already awaiting the next
We’re relieved it’s held just once a
text and photos by Lady
Enslain & Ossi
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