Festival Report
Sunset (or rise?) over Nummijärvi
NUMMIROCK METAL FESTIVALNummijärvi, Kauhajoki — June 24-26, 2010

A Poetic Salute to Nummirock 2010


Another year at Nummijärvi,

And this time we’re prepared;

Stocked up last week with boat beer,

Enough that we coulda shared.

 

With tent and booze and more in hand,

We battled our way through the city;

The trip to get to HMT’s bus

Was messy and brutal and shitty.

 

The 5-hour ride from Helsinki

Was comforted with beer,

And before we realized we were drunk,

We were almost near.


Our lake side camp @ Nummirock 2010

We finally made it to the site

Without any major hitches,

And decisively we set up camp –

Lake side forever, bitches!

Kiuas began our night;

The singer’s vibrating jaw impressed,

Their tunes still glued into my mind;

These guys surely perform their best.

Ilja & Mikko/Kiuas @ Nummirock

Jonne/Korpiklaani @ Nummirock

Next up on the extended tent stage

Came Korpiklaani a half-hour late;

Though technical failures, and not their fault,

With some “Beer Beer” I had a date.

Returning back to our campsite,

We loaded up on alcoholic goodies,

And ventured to the "others" side

Full of beer and clad in hoodies.

 

Familiar faces all around,

And some we barely knew,

But I couldn’t end the night much better

Than with a round of kung fu!

Jope the Polak vs. Lady Enslain

Jaakko suosittelee

 

 Arising still drunk Friday mornin’

This experience here was a sign:

The Nummi way to brush your teeth

Is in a stream of boxed wine.

 

And out from his tent came a-pukin’

With giant bear growls, Jake’s traditional way,

Yet despite his adverse fest reaction,

"Jaakko suosittelee" is all he can say.

 

The weather was decidedly warmer

Than the year before or before,

So out from the refreshing lake waters

Came naked-assed Finns galore.

An ordinary morning @ Nummirock

Believe it or not!

For nutrition ‘tween beers I grilled mushrooms

‘stead of typical drunk festival fare,

And for corn I brought sprayable butter;

Can’t believe it?  I swear, it was there.

First band we left camp for was Tarot,

Whose name Finns never pronounce just right,

And while watching the band I was fixated –

Couldn’t let Marco’s split-beard outta sight.

Marco/Tarot @ Nummirock

Mikael/Dark Tranquillity @ Nummirock

Dark Tranquillity was surely the one band

About which I had come most excited,

And when Mikael sang vulnerably to “ThereIn”,

Me and Jope sang along so delighted.

 

The high stage was crappy to photograph,

And I just wanted to plunge into the crowd;

Watching the band I used to chug beers with

Was intense, and made me feel proud.

SFU closed the main stage ‘round midnight,

Barnes slaughtered my ears with his “eeeeeeeeeee”;

For his murderous growls he’s a legend,

And his hairy presence was somethin’ to see.

 

After playing we followed them backstage

To stalk Chris for a treasured buddy pic;

But despite all our begging and screaming,

He just toked in his bus: what a dick!

Chris/Six Feet Under @ Nummirock

Check out the real beauty!

Our week’s most triumphant buddy pictures

Were with drinkers who’d already passed out,

And unlike the pantti-holders at Wacken,

These overloaded metallers, they didn’t shout.

In attempt not to wreak too much havoc,

We returned to the lake side and friends,

And having missed StS so much earlier,

Ossi eats the midnight sun in amends.

Ossi swallowing the midnight sun

Introducing the Heil-Lock™

Our camp buddies seem so amused by Hitler,

That they heiled more than I’d ever seen,

And when asked why, they’re likely to tell you:

“Koska Saatana Sanoo Niin”.

 

While they masqued these attempts as just pointing,

Or indicating a degree of “how high”,

Our Jesus-tape found use as a Heil-Lock,

Disabling the most saluting guy.

After having survived the nightless night,

We still had to face the Throes of Dawn,

And despite their quite dreamlike atmosphere,

They didn’t induce a single yawn.

 

The early crowd was small but loyal,

And Jani approved with ecstatic thumbs up;

Their otherworldly leads took us over,

And forced us to forget our empty cup.

Henri/Throes of Dawn @ Nummirock

Harri/Throes of Dawn @ Nummirock

With their heart-crushing rendition of “…Echoes”,

Long-lost tears streamed down from my eyes;

The most touching and honest and beloved gig

Was definitely performed by these guys.

From behind the confines of the Foster’s tent,

And by forested sights surrounded,

Insomnium’s songs epitomized the feeling;

Our hearts weighed down with the sorrow they pounded.

Kari & Ossi rockin’ da Nummi

Derrick/Sepultura @ Nummirock

Early headliners Sep hit the stage around six,

And we watched from the sidebar backstage,

And despite low hopes for their now-old new singer,

He attacked the songs like a beast in a cage.

With their surprisingly energized set,

For complaints, they left us no room,

And the fans of the oldies were treated

With “Escape to the Void” and “Troops of Doom”.

Andreas/Sepultura @ Nummirock

Kosti/Sotajumala digging Sepultura

Enjoying their Sepulnational anthems,

For their whole gig we there had to stand;

While the drunken Kosti of Sotajumala

Wanted a picture of him watching the band!

While Ossi went to see local grinders Carnalation,

Whose guitarist was styled with emo-hair,

Though he says they played tight and were worthy,

I had better things to do than be there.

 

Overall Demosetä proved pretty much average,

Showing friendship is stronger than fans;

Of all of the songs we’d checked out in advance,

Carnalation and Graveborne were the only decent bands.

Lady Enslain concentrating on better things

Jens/Naglfar @ Nummirock

Thyrfing’s presence was highly awaited

After their cancellation at Pellava last year,

And we celebrated their finally coming

By drinking cans of abandoned beer!



I’d been waiting to see Jens Rydén

Since the days when he fronted Naglfar,

But his new burly trucker look and massive chains

Looked much rougher than who Thyrfing are.

Then, beginning their set with “Black Metal”

Is a band we need not introduce;

With their tunes of mayhem without mercy,

Headbanging in the beer tent they managed to induce.

BLACK METAL


With the night and the fest almost over,

And a box of magazines still remaining,

Our drunkenness being at the optimal level,

It was time for some serious Enslain-ing!

 

Like Jehovah’s we spread ‘zines to each camper we saw,

Not caring if they’d love it or hate it;

One of them challenged me to wrestle,

And one of the dudes, he just ate it!

 

Continuing our magazine extravaganza,

Recipients offered us mixed drinks and stories,

And one guy who found a whole bag full of Olvi,

Gave it to us!  Oh glory of glories!!

 

The morning brought terrible emptiness,

Full of hangover, and longing for more;

Took three days to recover from Nummi –

Though demanding, it’s a thrill I adore.

 

So this is our salute to Nummirock,

Broken chairs, burnt faces, and beer;

Though we’re already awaiting the next one,

We’re relieved it’s held just once a year.


~ text and photos by Lady Enslain & Ossi Turpeinen


Photo Slideshow : Nummirock Metal Festival

www.enslain.net